Tip of the hat to Brandon Peters for pointing out a key detail I had missed in the whole network upfronts presentations last week. Yes, JJ Abrams's Alcatraz has been picked up for midseason. One bit I missed is that it will star none other than Hollywood's worst travel agent: Sam Neil. In this preview, Sam Neill wants you to take a trip with him to Alcatraz, the infamous and long-closed San Francisco prison. Nevermind that it's unwise to trust a man whose first major American starring role was playing the Anti Christ (The Omen III: The Final Conflict). The fact stands that, to put it bluntly, when Sam Neill asks you go to somewhere with him, you just say "No". Does Sam Neill want to take you on a pleasant boat trip? "No, thank you." Does Sam Neill want you to come with him to go to an island filled with dinosaurs? Just say no! Does Sam Neill want you to travel to a spaceship that vanished to places unknown seven years ago? Just say no! Actually, "Hell, no!" would be appropriate in this case. Does Sam Neill want you to go BACK to that dinosaur island? Just roll your eyes and say no! Does Sam Neill want you to take a jolly trip into the Bermuda Triangle? "No, no, no!" So ladies and gentlemen, when Sam Neill asks you if you'd like to come to Alcatraz, the only proper response is a polite, but firm, decline. Practice with me. no. No. No! NO! NO! NO, but thank you for the offer.