93% of kids under 12 are aware of The Muppets, only 39% of that group expressed "definite interest" in seeing them return to the big screen. Translation - 54% of said demographic is comprised of spoiled, good-for-nothing little shits who don't know how good they have it. Fortunately, these kids are too young to make consensual decisions about movie-going, so use your parenting authority to drag their butts to a theater this weekend, under the threat of Safe Surrender if need be.
Among kids 12-16, 78% are aware. Of that number, just 29% expressed "definite interest". Translation - 49% of kids aged 12-16 are useless, heartless douche-bags, which is just as well since they'd probably just talk to their friends and/or play with their brightly-lit cell phones for the duration of the picture anyway. So you can just buy them a ticket to The Muppets and drop their punk asses off at Jack and Jill.
“Disney always wanted to make this a movie that reached all demos,” says an unnamed source in the article. “But something about the concept is not resonating with older kids.” It could be that today's youth are so used to flawless CGI and Pixar that a bunch of puppets seem distastefully low-fi, or maybe the Muppets seem as antiquated as Howdy Doody." Translation - Kids need to realize that the reason most Pixar films and many Dreamworks movies are so damned-good is because they have stories and characters worth giving two shits about. The 'flawless CGI' is no more responsible for the massive successes of Toy Story 3 or How to Train Your Dragon than the 3D was responsible for the record-breaking success of Avatar.
In the surveyed group known as "parents taking children," 87% of 'parents taking children' have strong awareness and 53% have a definite interest in seeing The Muppets. Translation - Kids may not know what's good for them, but fortunately upstanding parents will be dragging their kids by the hair into a theater auditorium this weekend for a bit o' culture! But 34% of said parents will probably be the first in line for Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked and probably were the carpooling parent(s) for opening weekend 3D showings of The Smurfs. They are the problem, not the solution.
If the children truly are our future, then we may end up wishing that one of those late-1990s/early 2000s apocalyptic events forecast in the movies (Judgment Day, the plague of the 12 monkeys, giant dragons burning down the world, etc) actually happened. No matter, Disney wisely spent just $40 million on The Muppets, so it will likely be a solid hit no matter how awful our nation's youth is.
Scott Mendelson
