Sorry folks. There will be no gratuitous ass shots of Zac Efron. There will be no shower scenes with Vanessa Hudgens. There will be no hot hook-ups between Ashley Tisdale and Lucas Grabeel, although I presume that their relationship will continue to border on incestuous (the cardboard stand up ads seem to suggest that they'll be attending prom together, which feels about right).There will be no explosions, no poetic shootouts, nor brutal beatings are our favorite Rydell High wannabees find their way to the graduation podium. There will be no Prom Night-style murder sprees as Chris Warren Jr's Zeke bakes one too many cookies for an unappreciative Sharpay and finally snaps, slaughtering Sharpay's friends one by one as Idris Elba doesn't lift a finger. The only terror will be seeing how vanilla bland Ashley Tisdale looks with her new nose (poor thing, she seems to have pulled a Jennifer Grey).
The only drama will be Troy and the gang learning, for the third time, that you can be yourself and be a multi-faceted person. Sharpay will again learn that friendship is more important than celebrity. And everyone else will be lucky to have their own song, let alone their own character arc. And the film will end with a shocking climax when Corbin Bleau's Chad Danforth will be revealed as Jigsaw's newest apprentice, destined to continue the work that... oh wait, right day, wrong theater.
High School Musical 3: Senior Year - rated G, for not a gosh darned thing!
Scott Mendelson
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