I'm not going to get into the misogynistic aspect of the trolling centered around a few on-set photos of Shailene Woodley from
The Amazing Spider-Man 2. To those saying that she's not 'pretty enough' to be Mary Jane Watson, I'll simply extend a hearty 'f*ck you' and merely offer to be, wedding vows and relative current marital bliss aside, the next guy in line at the bar after you turn down her advances. But while others will justifiably focus on the offense at the trolling of a young actress having the gall to walk around without make up, I'd like to offer a bit of silver lining to this whole affair. Now thanks to the Internet trolling, I can absolutely guarantee that not only will Shailene Woodley be insanely attractive as Mary Jane Watson in
The Amazing Spider-Man, but she will also be a terrific character, in terms of acting and all of that 'less-important' stuff too. Why do I know this? Because the trolling fans have told me otherwise. Trolling fans have been around for as long as I can remember. And they have become the Bill Kristol of film fans. They make noise, they attract attention and 'serious discussion', and they are
always always wrong.
They were wrong about Michael Keaton being the wrong choice to play Bruce Wayne back in 1988 and wrong in their assertion that Tim Burton's
Batman would be a big screen variation on the campy television series. They were wrong about Hugh Jackman being too tall and too much of a song-and-dance man to play Wolverine in
X-Men. They were wrong about Tobey McGuire being not enough of a leading man to play Peter Parker in
Spider-Man. And remember the outrage over the organic web-shooters? Oh yeah, that killed the whole trilogy dead in its tracks. And don't forget their unholy outrage over a blonde-haired brute being hired to play James Bond back in 2005. Yeah, Daniel Craig sure turned out to be a George Lazenby, didn't he? He totally shit on the bed on the 007 franchise, right? And let's not forgot the horror at Heath Ledger being cast in
The Dark Knight. The cries of
Brokeback Batman (whatever the hell that meant) were completely accurate and Ledger's turn as The Joker completely wrecked the movie from the word 'Go'.
And speaking of Nolan's Batman pictures, you raving idiots were completely dead-on about Anne Hathaway not being 'sensual' or 'sexy' enough to play Selina Kyle in
The Dark Knight Rises. Again, I humbly offer to be the guy behind you in the bar when Hathaway hits on you and you say "No thank you, you're pretty, but not sensual enough for me.". My wife would be totally okay with that, especially if Ms. Kyle happened to have Dr. Crane on her speed dial. As for as their positive predictions, let's take a look, shall we? They also were sure that replacing Megan Fox in the
Transformers franchise with a no-name super model would improve the franchise. They swore that
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides would be better than the sequels by axing Knightly and Bloom. They swore up and down that
Prometheus would be the greatest science fiction film ever made. They also were sure that adding Venom to
Spider-Man 3 was a great idea. Hell, I'd argue that it was an attempt to pander to this specific fanbase that caused Sony to force Raimi to stick Venom in
Spider-Man 3 in the first place!
So fear not True Believers! The idiot class has spoken and they find fault in the looks and casting appropriateness of Shailene Woodley as Mary Jane Watson in
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (note - I do hope they change that title to something like
The Superior Spider-Man). Okay, let's be honest, the entire argument revolves around her alleged 'fuckability', but again, that's for another day. But the good news is that the chattering class that is always wrong, every single friggin time, has proclaimed that Woodley is going to be a terrible Mary Jane Watson. That can only mean that she will be a fantastic Mary Jane Watson, which in turn vastly increases the chances of
The Amazing Spider-Man 2 being at least a token improvement on its frankly terrible predecessor (especially if Emma Stone gets more to do than just be 'the girl' this time around). Because while the trolling fanboy crowd may be reactionary, sexist, and periodically racist (see - Elba, Idris), they also are usually 100% dead-wrong. Maybe they should get guest slots on the Sunday morning talk shows. After all, these are very serious people...
Scott Mendelson
